Friday, August 29, 2014

Friday, August 29 - Two Moons

Weed what a wonderful drug, it helps our researcher thugs

They were testing their boss's new sub, but went out in a storm like a nub

The sub shook the entire crew, they rattled so much their lunch did spew

And when the surfaced to see the night, something did cause their fright

For the sky had a completely new moon, one thug asked how did this happen so soon

The answer was simple for the only one thug, smart enough not to smoke the drug

But the young thug didn't say, instead said "The sun covered this moon in the day"

The other's were high not slow, but they weren't about to ignore their bro

They pondered all night and all day, in the open submarine they did stay

The other's on the planet looked up and wondered, what caused this lunar blunder

But non did realize that the new moon was a phony, because in reality, at his space job was Tony.



Thursday, August 28, 2014

Thursday, August 28 Space, 2199


Being a redshirt on the SS Potato Dragon was not an easy job. With the amount of "Yolos" the captain and his personal crew of 5, we get sent out on land missions quite often. Luckily for us, the land mission red shirts (though that's what they call us, we really wear yellow shirts) always get one of the actual Potato Dragons to come with us. We have the Potato Dragon leader who goes on diplomatic missions and we body guard him. The head of security goes when someone else, that isn't our captain, needs to be escorted and protected. The resident jack... I mean... look he's Croos. We go in with him on full blown assault missions. We protect join the head medic and scientist when things go wrong with something. This is one of those stories.

 

So the day begins with a red alarm going off, this was the emergency distress alarm going off on the bat. The Potato Dragons have four different alarms styles. A long yellow caution alarm means that prepare for combat, followed by a red alarm means combat engaged. That alarm is standard protocol. A flashing red alarm back to white alarm means we averted immediate death. A yellow alarm flashing to a white alarm means that something suspicious is happening outside of the deck. A flashing red and yellow alarm means something bad is happening to the inside of the ship.

I, Hank, Potato Guard was assigned to lead a small team of assault units to stop an extreme terrorist cult from destroying Neptune, the planet of the corn. We arrived there only to be greeted by neck beards, singing ‘Nice guys finish last’. It was horrible. Not a single female life in sight. Everyone was playing league of legends, lost, and was flaming us when we arrived.

“Like I care that your Taric is a feeder, I’m fabulous”, I thought.

After showing them that the adventure time moba is far superior, I continue on the trek of their base. I passed by a few things in diamond encrusted cases. In those cases, a floating toothbrush, a copy of the game of slender, Foxxy porn, and something about being smarter than everyone but being an underachiever. It was disgusting.

As we approached the next room, we are hailed from one of our lead scientists, Nora. She is a “brilliant female scientist”, who unfortunately, is a sixty ninth division Orc member, entertainment division. She told us, “We warned, Hank the nooblord, the cult has gained some extreme universal power. They have literally made them the center of the universe.”

“Good lord”, I thought outloud, “How do we stop them?”

“Our head scientist is trying to find out but the captain told me to tell you these exact words: ‘gotta go in’. I don’t know what that means bu-“, she said before being interrupted. One of my crew members, Megatron, bursted in the next room. I don’t know what he saw but all I remember is waking up on the SS Potato Dragons, getting examined by Nora. I was never the same after that but I knew I had to listen to the captain. I gotta go back in.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Wednesday, August 27 - Animal Invention

After his job as a light engineer failed, Tony decides to try his luck at design. He is determined, however, he must think of a way to decide what he shall decide. He thought of copying someone else but the copyright law said that he could not do that until it's a certain age. By that point, anything that he was going to copy was extremely outdated. Tony, then, thought of a new idea. What if he copied an animal?

"Hmm...", Tony thought to himself, "What animal would I use?" Tony pondered for many days, only occasionally impaling people on trees in the mean time. Then, like light shining down from the heavens, knowledge came to Tony. "I don't like the way things for me, let's make something that would make other people very unlucky the only way I know how!", Tony exclaimed.

Tony worked day in and day out on his new machine. The specific idea that he had turned from Bad mojo robots, to an android wearing a red shirt, to then something that Tony didn't know how to describe. It was a robot but had no real intelligence but wasn't a computer and couldn't be interacted with once it started up.

Tony began with the machine body but his design was so horrible that the dimensions were terrible, in fact he had to scrap one of the machines because of how bad it ended up. He had bought and used giant googily eyes so it'll look cute. It's head looked like a square peg. It's body had a rough human shape. Tony had made it a mouth but did Tony things and gave each machine two of them. Then, with his horrible design, he had decided to not scrap the idea and give them all costumes. One is a yellow chick, one is a purple bunny, one is a red fox and the other is a brown bear. Occasionally a golden bear would come into vision but Tony ignored this.

Unfortunately, Tony had no idea how to code. So, instead, he decided to use his talent of f*cking things up by smashing the keyboard and seeing what happens. Surprisingly, to everyone, it worked and each one of the animatronics worked! Without realizing what he did, he sold all four of the animatronics to a entrepreneur and Freddy and his gang were going to live as legends for many many years after.

As a side note, Tony visits very often but only at night and mostly stays in the kitchen. With his natural ability of screwing everything around him over, his very presence breaks the kitchen camera. Tony isn't affected but it does terrible things to the security officers sanity.




Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Monday, August 25 - Literary Character (Inc)

Teemo, the little demon child of the league of legends. This psychotic sociopath is the reason why another league champion was introduced, Tristana, so Teemo wouldn't be lonely. You see, Teemo is a yordle. Yordles are a small furry species of mammals whom tend to be cute and cuddley. The problem with yordles is the fact that they go... insane... when they are left alone. Teemo was always like this. He was always a sadistic one, always going 'above and beyond' and killing those he was supposed to track. He's known for planting explosive shrooms that spread burning fungi to those around the mushroom.

Bandle city, the city state that houses all the yordles, sent him to the institute of war to represent the yordles as independent and powerful members.

However, if brought to the world that we live in, then Teemo would definitly be a mushroom addict, most likely from the twisted mario burst. He would still grow his own shrooms but sometimes you have to get a little extra. His girlfriend won't mind, Tristana is fighting on the rift. Teemo is all alone... filled to the brim with his own children... all he has to do is eat one and set the whole effect to go off.

Tuesday, August 26 - Concert

Have you ever seen of heard of Freddy's pizza parlor? Know anything about it? Anything at all? Probably not, unless you're Brody. Have you ever watched 'Night at the museum'? It's a lot like that movie. The pieces that make up the building come to life. Too bad Freddy is an *sshole.

Freddy and his friends, Chica the chicken, Bonnie the bunny, Tony the security guard and the Foxxy the pirate, are in a band and play songs for the little kids at the pizza parlor. Everyone absolutely loves them, particularly Bonnie's guitar solos. Because of the animatronics' AI, his solo's always change note to note, day to day. Freddy always does the singing with the band, mostly dum de dums but can occasionally talk when he's aloud. Chica... does.... chica chicken related things.... Lets just say that she breaks up the show's with knock knock jokes with Foxy.

For example of Chica's work, would be like this.

"Why did the chicken cross the road, Foxy?", Chica asked.

"I don't know.", Foxy answered.

"To get to the idiots house!" Chica said in a trolly voice, "Knock Knock.".

"Who's the- you better no-"

"THE CHICKEN!", Chica screamed.

"I'm going to eat you, chicken."

If I was personally in this crowd, I'd enjoy myself before I die since these guys are from a horror game. There'd be lack luster lights. It's rather everything is on or nothing is on. Now assuming golden freddy doesn't get us behind, the smells of the animatronics would still be great. They reek of mucus and blood, which is normal since these kids are stupid and wipe anything against anything. That and they're psychotic killers. That also might play a role.

The sight of one of the animatronics, on stage, devour a fan would be grisly but I've seen some crazy sh*t in concerts. I don't think anyone would be phased too hard. However, the moment where Chica makes another pun is where everyone's going to be destroy the building. They're really bad.

Oh yeah, wasn't there another guy I mentioned...? Wasn't his name T-... why is the lights falling in the crowd... Whelp I'm out. The over time I get for being the other security job isn't good enough.

Friday, August 22, 2014

Friday, August 22 - Wacky Woods

What would you do if you were a goose?
What possible things would a goose do?
Would you cut your connections loose?
Would a goose drink mountain dew?

What would happen to a mountain dew drinking goose?
Would it be the soda mountain dew or the water?
Would that be a metaphorical noose?
Would it make you colder or hotter?

Why would a goose drink mountain dew?
What would a goose get?
I know that this goose is new
But this theory isn't set.

Would the mountain dew come in the morning?
Would the mountain dew come from a factory?
Does the goose know of this warning?
Do you think it's satisfactory?

What does the goose feel?
Mountain dew isn't good for you
It makes a terrible meal.
But what's the goose's view?

Goose, what would you say? How does the mountain dew taste?
Is it sticky? Is it messy or cold?
Would the goose body make the mountain dew debased?
Is the mountain dew, to you Goose, like gold?




Thursday, August 21, 2014

Thursday, August 21 - Mystery Lady

There she is, the queen of queens, beauty beyond beauty.
Those who look become enraptured by the eyes of her.
Men in the army go after her, leaving their blood sworn duty.
Gentlemen agree she is enthralling, I must concur.

We all must see the queen of queens is a beautiful women.
Her smile, her nose, her voice all things that make strong men fall
Her smile like the moon, hair smooth and soft like a kitten
If anyone isn't careful, they will soon end up her thrall

For enthralling is she, the queen of queens
With her eyes, her skin, her soft call
And yet, this queen of queens, see's only grotesque
For in the heart of the queen of queens, above all

Is a girl. This girl is soft and kind and beautiful.
Yet this girl is ugly to the queen of queens.
Why do you see her ugly, a troll, a goblin, a bull?
You condemn this child, queen of queens, with all means.

Queen of queens, with all your beauty, what do you see?
This is melancholy, queen of queens. To see yourself like this.
Why don't you see what we see? A beautiful child who's free?
Do you shackle yourself, queen of queens? Do you hate bliss?

You are beautiful queen of queens, even though you ignore it.
We envy you queen of queens, even your spirit.

Stay true, queen of queens.




Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Wednesday, August 20 - Alter ego

Mushrooms, Teemo's mushrooms, addict's mushrooms or Mario's mushrooms, are a fungi that each has their own different effect on a body. Teemo shrooms explode and rapidly decompose anything that touches it. An addict's shrooms puts you on a psychedelic trip. Mario's shrooms, however, have an interesting effect. They always seem to make you feel bigger than what you are. Mario, one of the drug lords in the big city, has recently discovered the shroom and has risen to the top of the criminal chain. Tens of thousands of druggies flock to him everyday.

"Three shipments went off went without a hitch", Luigi said to his brother, "the fourth one was hit by the goombas."

"Goombas?", Mario replied. "It's been quite sometime since I've seen them. Can anyone tell me why exactly the goomba's knew about that shipment...?", Mario said in a slow voice. His temper is rising.

The room was silent. No one had an answer for him.

"There are only five people in this room. Peach, Luigi, Toad and Toadette. You are my trusted advisors, family even...", Mario said quietly. "So why the did one of you let one of our captain's f*ck us? There are only a few of them. Two per person in this room... Luigi."

"Yes, brother?", Luigi said.

"Run discipline with the boys. Let's make sure that you don't anger the Mario family.", Mario replied.

"Yes brother.", Luigi said leaving the room. The other's simply watched him.

"What do we do?", Toadette asked.

"Continue operations like normal. Toadette, keep the boo whores from going out of business. They're too shy to go around asking. Toad, get my shipments up and running. Peach, princess, get me some information of Bowser. If he thinks he can f*ck with him, we'll make sure he correct his mistake", Mario said without skipping a beat.

Everyone left his sight. Mario pinched the cleft of his eyebrows and let a sigh out. He sat there wondering what things would be like if he had just stayed a plumber.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Tuesday, August 19 - Scariest Place

Imagine a world where it's just simply nothing. Nothing exists, not tangible anyway. The world is dark, beyond black. It has an unwavering stillness to the world. Nothing moves because nothing exists, with the exemption of the one experiencing the world. Everything is perfectly still. Not even the only one inside that world. The world is also cold. The frigid, for the lack of a better term, air chills men and beast alike to the bone. There is a constant string of frost on your skin, save for the small insects that crawl back and forth across your body. Neither of these are actually true but it doesn't change the feeling you get.

There is two sounds that you may be able to hear, though some of the time you can only hear one or the other. There is a ticking noise, steady but mechanical. It never stops. It never changes rhythm. It never changes it's beat. You can't affect it. It never ceases to annoy and frustrate those who are cast in it. The second noise is the sound of a chalk board being scratched. The thought of the sound can make the hairs on your back raise. You can only cringe at it. Now, if the chalkboard sound was steady like the clock, a person has the chance of getting used to it. Unfortunately for that person, this isn't regular. It happens only when you least expect it. Some of the time, every five minutes it'll scratch. Sometimes, an hour or two between one. Worse times, two go off at once. The length of the sound also varies from seconds to hours.

The smell is always changing. The smell can never calm itself. Although, yes, it can prove entertaining to guess the smell, it never settles in correctly. Some days it'll smell like dogs and cats, sometimes it'll smell like feces. For an hour, it may smell like an apple pie but on other's it smells like burning flesh. The smell of burning flesh is never a smell you should get used to and this world makes sure of that. Taste is an interesting concept in this world. Even though that nothing, minus the one inside the world exists, yet can interact with the person, taste is the only exception to this rule. There is no taste. There is nothing to taste and therefore taste is foreign.

Inside this world, there will always have a tone of depression, loneliness and frustration. Nothing in this world can even be remotely affected by your decisions, whatever they may appear to be. You can't find anything to truly interact with. Nothing you can be friends with.

That's what depression feels like.

Friday, August 15, 2014

Friday, August 15 - Kindergarten

It is the first day of the first semester from the kindergarten class of nowhere in particular, USA/Canada. It was my first day of school and I woke to my father. He had picked me up when I didn't seem to wake up and put me near my clothes. He began to sort through the various clothes I have and pick the best formal wear I could have, a black suit with a red bow tie. In my groggy daze, I mentioned something about the bow tie being cool but the black suit wasn't. he immediately dismissed it, showing off his wardrobe, over a dozen suits and ties. After I dressed, he sat me down at the table. Even if I was tall for my age, my father was so tall that he had to completely kneel and then crouch to be on eye level. He put a video recorder within the flab on the front of the suit that a flower of handkerchief went. He gave me some of my favorite cereal, milk and some red juice and sent me on my way.

I began walking towards the bus stop. While I was walking there was a cold breeze that shivered my legs and spine. I suddenly felt this wave of loneliness overcome me. I was scared but I decided to do what my father would and continue on my way. When I arrived at the bus stop, I could see several children already waiting. From simple guessing, I predicted that there was two second graders, four third graders and two other kindergarteners. Even though that I was in kindergarten, I was oddly taller than them. As I approached, the children slowly backed up away from me, obviously afraid. My loneliness grew into despair with a dose of guilt.

Everyone ran except one. She was one of those predicted kindergarteners. She said I looked funny and pale and started giggling. When I became sad from that comment, however, she cheered my up with a hug. I made my first friend. When we continued talking, I had found out that her name was Beatrice and she was indeed a kindergartener. We continued talking, finding out all sorts of stuff. She found out that she was held back a year because she let her teacher's wig on fire; she loved math and she was good at calculating things in her head; and she even told me a story about how a kid sprained his ankle in the playground. I felt warm again like how I woke up to my father's long arms.

When the bus arrived, the bus driver, a plump man with a name tag that said "Hello. My name is Otto" looked at me directly, terrified. Beatrice told the man that I was going to go to school and he checked some papers, nervously. Everything checked out and I got on board, terrified faces throughout the bus. The bus ride to the school was long and cold and silent. The loneliness is back.

I arrived at school but the administration stopped me. They were frightened by my appearance, making comments like "What's wrong with him?" and "Why is he so pale?" and even "Is that a child?". They had called my father with the words, "Hello, is this Tony S.? We have your child that you need to pick up". Within minutes, my father arrived, in his signature black suit and just stood there at the entrance. The administration looked more terrified at the slender figure that stood before him. The rest of the video recorder that I used to date my first day had too much static and only glimpses of images showed up. The only thing that day that I personally remember was dinner with my father and Beatrice and her family, though her family were mortified that they were having dinner with the famed man.

 
 
 
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Slenderman op

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Thursday, August 14 - Gross

Who's heard of stinky fish? Literally, the dish is translated to stinky fish. It's this disgusting food that my mother makes for herself all the time. Let me explain to you how to make it. You begin making stinky fish by getting small fish, normally fresh water fish but salt water is fine as long as it's small. The fish has it's scales removed from it's body and then left to fully marinated in a soy sauce and vinegar for a full 24 hours. Then the food is fried heavily in oil.

The only way I can describe the fish is that it's the worst parts of fish, the slimy taste and the bad smell and the full on taste of soy sauce and vinegar into a horrible combination. The textures are a charred mess. Everything is cooked in oil but it always turns out horribly burnt. Running your finger against the fish is likely to make it crumble. The fragility is matched by a horrible smell. It reeks of burnt food, seared fish and heavy vinegar. The smell doesn't leave the house until a week of being aired out. The actual insides of the fish are non-existent. The only thing that could have withstood that was the fish's skin. The inside is pretty much a charred mush of soy sauce, completely ash. I don't think anyone would enjoy the smell of rot while tasting fried vinegar fish of death.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Wednesday, August 13 - Animal

The sun of the barrens has the pressure of the bottom of the ocean. All creatures underneath the rays feel it's heat. Every last creature feel the temperature , minus one type. The silithid is that creature. A silithid is a insectoid, creature. It has characteristics of a beetle, a scorpion, a wasp, and several more issues. Each next has their own distinct color, shades of green, red, brown, yellow, light blue and more, but their markings on the carapace is different from insect to insect.


Everyday the silithid leave the nest for search of food within the northern barrens. When the sun rises, the silithid have already gained it's first kill and many more after that. The barren's silithid has the common zebra as their primary food source. The zebra, within the barrens, is a common staple within many of the predator's food chain.


By midday, the silithid that are left in the nest have begun feeding the larvae and began training the younger, but recently matured, silithid into hunting, caretaking, or defending the nest. Each 'veteran' silithid has five to ten different younger silithid as their version of a 'protégé'. The silithid, however, are still animals, minus one. When the word protégé is used, the term, in this context, mostly means that the younger generation follow the older generation throughout their days learning the habits of the older generation.

Finally, during the evening, the hunters return home with their food, enough to feed the entire nest for the next day on normal days. They have already eaten their fill of the food and have filled up their social stomachs. These social stomach hold the majority of these kills and allow for safe transport of the food back into the nest.

In the event of a killed hunter, if the body is recoverable, it is. The meat and organs are preserved with a special liquid within the social stomachs of the defense silithid and used as an emergency reserve located in the bottom of the nest. The carapace of the recently deceased dig in firmly into the walls of the nest, from inside and outside. The carapace allows for support of the tunnels the nest makes up and allows any and all nest-born silithid to blend into the walls, as each nest only has one color. Any outsider silithid or foreign creature invading the home can easily be ambushed by the readily available defenders.

Finally within the middle of the night, roughly 8 hours after the hunters returned, they leave again, or in the case of a nest with a large population of hunters, a new shift takes over.  They begin their hunt once again, leaving the food from the previous evening to fuel the nest for the day until they get back.

The hunter's job involves heading throughout the plains of the barrens to search for various groups of animals to hunt, usually zebra. Once they track down a zebra, they have two strategies. If they can, the silithid find a way to funnel their prey into a ravine or cave to where the majority of the hunting groups can swoop in from above or behind and take out the weaker prey. They start by spraying a web that has the chemical makeup of chlorine, normally knocking out or dazing their opponents. The bigger silithid will eat the zebra whole or the smaller ones will take bits and pieces and continue hunting.

All that are left is the queen silithid. Normally she remains in the heart of the nest where various types of silithid bred fungi remain, laying eggs constantly for the male breeder's to work with. She eats a diet of mostly the fungus within the room, however, she might sneak a snack of meat. The queen silithid and, rarely, an older generation silithid gain an intelligence. Most of the silithid of simple worker drones following their queens command, however the queen has a personality, memory and even a voice.

http://www.wow-petopia.com/family/silithid.html