And suddenly, with the clever realization that I am actually
an angsty teenager, I begin my morning at 2pm. I play loud music about how I’m
not loved and my mother hates me to motivate me. After three more hours of
failed motivation, my mother screams at me. I don’t know what she says,
something about how I’m a 38 year old man. I’m not entirely sure. I flop out of
my bed, depressed with the world. I then turn to disgust as I remember that I
am single with no job and no love, minus reddit and my hat. Stroking my
favorite beard hair, I begin the day with an ample supply of “Nice-guys-finish-lasto’s”
and start disproving the bible just in time for brony-con. After I had defeated
a troll in reddit, I begin trolling in reddit, proving I am superior in all
ways, especially looks, intelligence and trivia on my little pony.
After stroking Twilight Sparkle, the best pony, I put her
back in the last expansive of my “My Little Pony” collection and pop onto Dota
2. I enter a random game and receive Meepo, the best hero. After carrying my
team by going 1-17-5, I treat myself with my first bathroom break at 8pm. What
a good day.
Where did my life go wrong? Why is my son like this? He
never leaves his room, never showers, always watching his Asian shows, never exercises.
He doesn’t have a job, he was supposed to graduate college but he dropped out.
Said he was too intelligent for the university.
I love how you wrote this! Kind of funny, and I can't think of anything constructive to say. So good job!
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